So it seems my blog post, “Date a Guy Who Climbs Mountains,” has gained a little online popularity. Some people even went to the point of plagiarizing it. I’m guessing they’re either poor judges of good writing or they’re plagiarists with low self-esteem. If I’m going to plagiarize, I’d go for someone big, like an obscure Nobel Prize winner, and not some blabbering blogger who writes corny, cringe-inducing posts.
Since cheesiness sells, let’s do another one. Someone else has already written “Date a Girl Who Climbs Mountains” so this is my feeble attempt at irony. It’s still ultra-cheesy with a dash of bluntness and a pinch of self-serving platitude. Here goes.
Don’t date a girl who climbs mountains. Don’t go out with a girl whose idea of having a good time is to walk for hours in the middle of nowhere with a 10-kilogram load on her back. She’s the one with the dirty arm warmers, worn-out leggings, and a sunburned face that’s beyond repair of any whitening product.
Don’t date a girl who has no qualms about sleeping on the ground and doesn’t need a full-service bathroom to do her business. She will gross you out. She can go for days without taking a bath and reduce her vanity kit to a pack of wet wipes. She will snore, drool, burp and fart and it won’t be cute.
Be wary of the girl who has been to the summit. She won’t stop talking about the peaks she has reached. She’ll go on and on about every tree, beetle and sunset she has seen until your ears bleed. She stops on the trail to take pictures of wild mushrooms while you scratch your head and wonder why she’s fussing over a fungus.
Don’t ask out a girl who feels at home on a campsite. You won’t always be able to text or call her. She turns off her phone to conserve battery life and doesn’t mind the absence of network coverage.
You won’t see her daintily sipping a margarita. She chugs down cheap rum in an aluminum cup that’s being passed around to 20 other people. She can hold her liquor but she may also get drunk and puke her lungs out.
You won’t be the only man in her life. She goes on climbs with other guys, hangs out with them for days, and bonds with them over hot soup in the morning and raucous laughter during socials. She’s comfortable being one of the boys and doesn’t feel the need to explain herself to anyone.
Don’t date a girl who has traveled to remote places for a challenging climb. She has learned to face the world on her own. She won’t always need you. She won’t always look for you. She won’t always butter up your self-esteem or stroke your ego.
She loves with an intensity that pushes her to endure rough trails and grueling assaults. She pursues what she wants with a passion that drives her to reach the highest peaks. Her heart is stubborn and her resolve is strong.
Don’t date a girl who climbs mountains. Your shoes will get muddy, life will be messy and your world will never be the same again.